Sprogblog

Subverting dominant gender stereotypes since … oooh, about 1989

Week 6: have you got my brain in there? June 16, 2007

Filed under: baby, body, food, health, letter-to, motherhood, music, parenting, pregnancy — kungfujen @ 9:46 pm

Dear sprog,

Uh, just curious, but are you minding my brain in there? Because I’ve checked a few times this week where it normally lives, and it would appear there’s nobody at … at … at the … the thingy. SEE?

I thought that this working while pregnant thing would be a breeze. You know, nurture growing fetus, eat a great deal, continue career, pop one out, be back at work two months later after a bit of a holiday. I suspect it’s not going to work out quite that way.

Ferinstance, there have been a few times this last week when I have found myself rushing to and fro at work and then stopping in the middle of a hallway and wondering what I was actually doing there. I’ve taken to muttering write it down, write it down, in a rather dark and sinister tone and then completely forgetting what it was that I was meant to be writing down to remember.

This week has snowballed into a week of Telling People. After only just finding out ourselves last week that you were making your presence felt, Monday at work for me was very tough. I felt very ill, and sad, and happy, and was prone to snapping at my lovely colleagues then holding back tears at the thought of you and bunnies dancing around in a field somewhere (I don’t know either). So by Tuesday I’d told my boss, who’d sussed that something was up anyway, and he was the first of many to be delighted that you were on your way.

All of your grandparents are either reeling in shock from the news or thoroughly chuffed or both. Your Aussie Nana, who’ll be here in September, shrieked something incomprehensible, then proceeded to tell me how delighted she was. This, it seems, is the thing with grandparents. And you have five-and-a-half, so I very much doubt you’ll be lacking for much.

I have continued eating a lot of food in my quest to build you a spine and some nice healthy internal organs. I have also continued eating because when I eat I don’t feel quite so nauseous, but from what I’ve read, this might change. It is apparently possible to feel like being sick and be hungry at the same time. I am not looking forward to this day. I have also continued eating because I like food, and one thing I am liking very much about pregnancy is that it is basically a license to eat what your body tells you to, which at this current milisecond includes chicken with cashew nuts, apple juice and steak pasties. This will probably change. Last week I inhaled a whopper with extra cheese in about five seconds and it was the best burger I’ve ever tasted, and then I had to wee. The next day the smell of burgers made me want to puke.

Ah, the joys of weeing in a city where you don’t know the locations of all the public loos. My advice? Stick to shopping centres. There’s always at least one in there. Also, wee just before leaving point A, then immediately again upon arrival at point B. Do not worry about farting in public (like I ever did!). When you get as backed up as I am, you take anything you can get.

Your father and I have been talking about what to call you other than ‘It’ or ‘Sproglet’. Nothing has been nailed down just yet.

Last night you and I went to our first rock concert together (shall I get us registered for Glastonbury next year, do you think?) – White Stripes at Leeds Harewood House. Rain poured down all day but held off for the Stripeys, who were magnificent. I didn’t even really mind being sober. I saw quite a few cool mums and dads with their kids there. I hope one day us three will go to see music together, too.

 

Week 5: holy shit June 11, 2007

Filed under: baby, letter-to, oh-fuck, parenting — kungfujen @ 6:35 pm

Dear sprog,

Holy fucking shit. I’m up the duff. You’re in there. You may only be the size of a grain of arborio rice (mmm, risotto), but already your presence means:

1. I am well and truly backed up. Even farting takes hours, and this from a woman is known around these parts for romantic gestures such as preparing to fart and holding your father’s head under the covers then laughing hysterically as he tries not to gag on her toxic output. Anyhoo, what I wouldn’t give for a decent sesh on the toilet. Gone are the days and you are only a bunch of cells.

2. MY BOOBS. What the hell happened to my boobs? I woke up this morning, only one day after taking a pregnancy test and JESUS, SWEET JESUS, who put those things there? So much for that breast reduction all those years ago. These mamas got minds o’ their own. They ache, they throb, they react and get all tingly at inappropriate moments. Rest assured they are still keeping your father happy. You can get grossed out about that when you’re a teenager.

3. What is with the weeing? Only five weeks in there, you, and I have already worn through the carpet in the hallway at work trekking to the loo every 30 seconds.

4. Everything makes me want to cry. Everything. This morning it was the bunnies in the fields dancing among the bright pink foxgloves, as Arcade Fire’s ‘Neon Bible’ roared in my ears. This afternoon, as I walked along in among the chatter and twitter and beeping horns of peak hour Leeds, it was the thought that the very first voice you will ever hear, my little, eeny-weeny bean, will be mine, and your father’s. And aint that somethin’.